Brandon Gilbert

Yesterday, we were finally able to get Ryne to church for his first Sunday. He’s been to church before, but this time it was finally our church. His first time at church was at the church I grew up in when they dedicated a new Children’s wing to my Grandmother who passed away a few years ago. His second time at church was at Jamie’s parents’ church. But there’s nothing like the first Sunday at your home church.

Sunday morning: We arrived a little late to Hendersonville First Baptist, where we are members. It was kind of by design. Our worship music can be a little loud, and we didn’t want Ryne to go deaf before he’s one year old. It was a special day, because it was Lewis Lea, our worship leader’s, last day. We arrived in time for the message, and Ryne was a very good little boy all the way through. When our service is over, we sing a couple more songs usually. We sang one song, and then some friends of Lewis and Mary, his wife, came up on stage to lay hands on him and pray for him as he goes to a new church.

It was at this time, in the silence of a large room that Ryne decided to make his presence known. He’s just now figuring out that his vocal chords can do things besides cry. He wanted to show off this new found talent, so when everyone got quiet, he decided it was his time to talk. Since this was a very delicate time in the service, I carried him outside of the service. Our church has the service playing on TV’s outside, so we didn’t really miss anything.

After the sensitive part of the service was over, we walked back and stood in the back. We sang another song, and then Ryne got treated to one heckuva show. As it was the last day for Lewis, he wanted to fulfill a dream and smash his guitar on stage. You can see this by going here. It was quite a show.

We then went to Sunday School. Our Sunday School class is awesome. It is filled with awesome people who love God and treat us like family. He was competing for cuteness with baby Chas, Charles and Naomi Yewell’s baby boy, who is only one week older than Ryne. I have to say it came out a tie. They are both awesome little guys. Chas looked to be a little more laid back during class than Ryne, but Ryne’s regular feeding time came during class, so Jamie had to feed him a bottle. Ryne then proceeded to sleep all the way home, and even a bit after that, which gave Mommy a chance to eat before she had to feed him again. This is what we  refer to as “Lunch-Time Roulette” which Jamie usually loses.

Sunday Night: Jamie and I are also part of a church plant in East Nashville called Restoration Church. Right now, we’re meeting in the Inglewood community at the New Life Baptist Church building. Sunday was a special service because were were welcoming our new Worship Leader, Lewis Lea. If that name sounds familiar, it’s because you just read it a few paragraphs up.

As soon as the first note was played for worship, Ryne fell asleep. He stayed that way until we were on our way home. At that point, he got kinda fussy. I am taking this to mean that he was sad we were leaving church. That’s a good thing.
We really couldn’t have hand-picked a better Sunday for him to go to church for the first time. Lewis’ guitar smash was a highlight even for me.

It’s been a rough couple of days in the Gilbert Household and Jamie went out tonight to hang with some friends and do some well deserved venting of frustrations. This left just the guys at home. You might think this was a recipe for disaster, but it was actually mostly good. Since I’ve been studying the language of babies with Rosetta Stone-style intensity, I can translate our conversations from this evening. The following is from our “Guys’ Night In.”

Dad: Mommy’s leaving, say bye to Mommy!
Son: You know I can’t actually vocalize it…but “bye, mommy!”
Dad: We’re going to have fun tonight buddy!
Son: Don’t try to play me like that…I saw her leave…that’s a full time buffet walking out the door.
Dad: Don’t worry, Mommy left plenty of milk in the refrigerator for me to give you if you get hungry.
Son: You know, I could actually go for a snack right now.
Dad: You want to play in your bouncy seat?
Son: I guess you didn’t hear me, I said I could go for a snack RIGHT NOW! (Screaming ensues)
Dad: OK, OK, let me warm some up for you.
Son: YOU MEAN I’M READY FOR A SNACK, AND YOU DON’T HAVE IT WARM FOR ME ALREADY???
Dad: We have to keep it cool so it won’t spoil.
Son: This is why I hate when Mommy goes…she keeps it warm for me ALL THE TIME…Why can’t you do that?
Dad: Mommy has different equipment than Daddy. God blessed her with that ability and not me. OK, It’s warm now.
Son: You know I can tell the difference, right? You can tell the difference when you get pizza from an oven and when you get it from a microwave, right?
Dad: How do you know know about pizza?
Son: You guys eat enough of it. Anyway, just give it to me. I want a snack.
Dad: You’re lucky you’re so young, because this attitude will not do when you get older.
Son: Yes, but I’m still a baby so you HAVE to give it to me.
Dad: OK, Here you go (bottle is inserted).
Son: I knew it! It’s not nomnomnomnom 98 nomnomnomnom point nomnomnom 6 nomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomn (well, you get the point)

And then he finished with the bottle, and was a little glassy-eyed, so I decided to put him in his bouncy seat. The bouncy seat is a great invention that vibrates and rocks and simulates a car ride pretty well. Ryne can’t last very long in the car before he’s out like a light.

Dad: You ready to get in the bouncy seat?
Son: I’d rather be held.
Dad: I know, but I’ve got to take care of some stuff on the computer, buddy.
Son: I’d rather..zzzzzz be…zzzzzz held…zzzzzz zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (you get the point).

A little time went by and then a sudden crying fit.

Dad: You want a pacifier?
Son: Not really..but I know you’re doing some stuff, so go ahead, I’ll take it this time.

…more crying…

Son: Umm, Dad, can you help me with the pacifier? I haven’t got these arm and hand things quite figured out. I can move them great, (flails arms) I just can’t seem to get them to go exactly where I need them to go.
Dad: No Problem, here you go little man.
Son: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Son: OK Dad, I’ve had a snack and nap, and I’m ready to be up, so what are we going to do?
Dad: Well, you know, you’ve got some dry skin on your head that’s driving your Mommy crazy. How about a coconut oil treatment?
Son: I’m not a Hawaiian Tropic model.
Dad: It’s only for your head, funny man.
Son: OK…Let’s do it.
Dad: OK, I’m putting it in pretty liberally.
Son: It’s not so bad. Smells pretty good.
Dad: OK, you want to go rinse it out, and we can go ahead and do your bath?
Son: You keep asking me these questions like you’re going to give me a choice. Let’s just get it over with.

So, we commence with bath time. As you know, oil and water don’t mix, so I had to work pretty hard to get the oil out. I soaped up with the shampoo real good and scrubbed pretty good. When it finally came time to rinse out his hair, I started at the back. When I got to the front, though, He moved his head back and the water went all in his face. Water got in his eyes, and in his mouth.

Son: What…gurglegurlge…are…gurglegurgle…you…gurglegurgle…doing…gurglegurgle??????????
Dad: Aww, buddy, I’m so sorry.

At this point I go through about 10 more minutes of apologizing while we finish the bath.

Dad: It’s too bad that you’re not 16, because if you were to ask for a car right now, Daddy would do whatever he could do to get it for you. Of course if you were 16, you could give yourself a bath, so it’s probably a moot point.
Son: It’s OK, the revenge plan has already been put into place.

I felt so bad, I put him in what I like to refer to as the “easy suit” which buttons in the front, so he doesn’t have to have it pulled over his head, which he hates. When I got him dressed, I held him for a little while. It was at this time that I felt his diaper vibrate like he was riding a Harley and then it was followed by a terrible smell.

Son: Revenge Plan: Phase 1 complete. Now, It’s time to go change me big guy.

I take him and put him on his changing table and right when I get the diaper off, he decides to throw up half his dinner.

Son: Phase 2: Complete

Since he decided to spit up, I had left the lower half of his body unprotected. This is a rookie mistake, I know. But he was slick with creating a diversion. Of course, as soon as I was getting the throw-up mess cleaned up, sure enough, he let loose with the pee.

Son: Phase 3: Complete. You may now redress me, and I forgive you.

So, as you can see, it was quite an eventful night. I am now very tired and ready for bed. Ryne…well, he’s sleeping like a baby.

None of these are of my kid…but they’re somebody’s kid. The Blog will be on break for a couple of days due to a Huge new surprise!

It seems that lately a lot of things seem to be coming together for Ryne. He’s holding his head up alot better, keeping eye contact better, following us around the room with his eyes, reacting to his name. When he’s fed, he seems to know when it’s time to burp and take a break.

He’s also growing so fast. When we brought him home from the hospital, he was so tiny in his crib, he only spread out halfway across the mattress. Now he almost goes across the whole thing.

In order to engage his newfound awareness, we’ve been trying some new things. Last night I read him a story. It was Happy Birthday, Moon by Frank Asch. This is an important book to me because it’s the same book that my Mom read to me when I was little.  I loved that book.

Ryne was laying in his crib, freshly bathed, just fed, and ready for sleep. I started reading to him. He watched me as I read and it held his attention the whole time (luckily it’s a short book). I know he doesn’t understand any of it yet, but just sharing that moment with my son after remembering what it was like when I was read to as a child, it was just a really cool moment in life.

If you’ve never read the book, you should…it’s quite cute. So…leave some comments and let me know some of the memories you guys have of being young and cool stuff your parents did with you.

I knew that eventually we would have to deal with Ryne trying to manipulate us and throwing tantrums to get what he wants. I certainly didn’t expect it at six weeks old, though. I guess everything in parenting will be a surprise.

It all started about a week ago when I was giving Ryne a bath. He turned his head and kind of bumped it on the side of his bath. He was fine…I however, was a little sad at my buddy hitting his head. It wasn’t until I asked him if he was fine (in a sad, baby voice) that he started crying and milking it. I was a little taken aback at his sneakiness because it was so obvious what was going on.

This brings us to yesterday. Jamie went out to see a movie with some of her girl friends. That left just the guys at home. We were playing around and he seemed to start to get tired. I put him down in his swing and turned it on. He was ok for a minute, but then he started to cry. I put the pacifier in, but that’s not what he wanted. I checked his diaper, and it was ok. So, I decided to pick him up and give a more thorough examination to see why he was crying.

Up to this point, most of Ryne’s crying has been in direct response to need. Hunger, dirty diapers, too hot, too cool, gas…all normal reasons for crying. But when I went to pick Ryne up out of the swing, as I was unbuckling the safety straps, he quit crying. So I backed away…and the crying commenced. I bent over again to undo the safety straps, and again, the crying stopped. I went ahead and picked him up and he was happy as a lark and smiled at me.

I have no problem holding my son and if they would create an Olympic event for it, I am sure I would medal. At the same time, I’m not really excited about the prospect of my son thinking he can manipulate me into holding him through crying. I was sure this was what he had just done, but I chalked it up to over-thinking. I mean, after all, he’s just six weeks old. Then Jamie came home.

By the time Jamie got home I had fed him a bottle of milk Jamie had pumped before she left. It was quite a bit and I knew he was full. This was about 30 minutes before Jamie got home. When Jamie got home, she held him for a little while because she had missed him. He seemed to start getting tired, so she put him in a bouncy seat that vibrates and he seems to like.

He was fine for a moment, and then started to get fussy. I suspected he might be doing what he had done with me earlier, so we ignored him for a little bit and he quit crying. This is where the plot thickens. He was watching his Mommy like a hawk. Jamie had been eating, and as soon as she turns away from the food she was eating to check on him, he turns on the water works. She turned away and ignored him for a minute, and he quit crying. In a minute, she turns back to him. As soon as he sees her turn to him, he turns on the water works again…a little more this time, apparently to portray to us that he’s being tortured.

We just continued to let him lay there and apparently he realized we weren’t going to give in. So he gave up and took a nap. Jamie and I had a good laugh about the whole situation and then a deeper discussion of how we’re all born into sin. It was a crazy day…and not one I expected to have for a while. I can tell this whole Dad thing is going to be a wild ride.

Ryne has finally outgrown the Newborn diapers. It’s really funny to think about it, because he had to kind of grow into them first. When he was born, the tabs on the diapers nearly wrapped around him. Of course, he took to feeding really easily and has more than made up for being so tiny.

There were lessons learned through those first few weeks of his life about diapers. We received quite a few diapers as Bbay Shower gifts…which was amazing. We also had decided long before he was born that we wouldn’t be picky about what diapers we used. Generic and cheap are two words I’ve never been afraid of.

The ones the hospital had were great. They sent us home with some and we used those until they were gone. One thing that made them so cool, aside from the fact that they were super absorbent and didn’t leak, was that it had an indicator line. It was a yellow line that turned green when he had a wet or dirty diaper. This was not a requirement, though, and we moved on to what we had in stock in our magical baby closet.

It didn’t take long, however, to figure out that not all diapers are created equal. The new diapers had a major failure the first night we used them. It was not a pretty sight. The stuff that was supposed to be inside the diaper was outside and all over our son. It also got over Jamie when she got up to feed him. This is unacceptable at anytime, but the stake go way up at Two O’Clock in the morning. We tried one more brand we had. It too failed to stand up to performance tests. We took all the other ones back and got the brand we started out with from the Hospital.

I always thought diaper commercials were silly….you know, where they pour in the blue liquid to show how absorbent they are and that there’s no leaking. I now know just how important it is to keep that blue liquid (and all other colored liquids) inside the diaper. Life is full of crap, and the stuff that’s designed to catch it should work as advertised.

This blog is a tribute to Grandparents. It’s also an homage to two blogs that I really like, Stuff Christians Like and Stuff White People Like. You should check those out when you get time…but not right now…read this one first.

I’ll try to do this in a David Letterman Top 10 format.

#10. Taking Grandchildren on Vacation: I don’t know why, but Grandparents love taking their Grandchildren to places far away. Maybe it’s seeing children’s faces light up as they see something for the first time, like Mountains, or the Grand Canyon, or the World’s biggest ball of yarn. Wherever it is, they want to go.

#9. Reading to Grandchildren: This is similar to the vacation. This is where a Grandparent can take a Grandchild on an adventure to anywhere in the universe or parallel universes. They can see their eyes light up and the emotions that run through them as they learn about faraway lands and damsels in distress or Arks and Floods or a little boy who could kill a giant. Perhaps the most interesting case study of this is in the movie, The Princess Bride.

#8. Watching them Grow: Grandparents don’t get to see the Grandbabies as often as they like, especially if they live far away. So, every time they see them, they like to compare it to the last time they saw them. “You’re getting so big” and “you’re hair is getting so long” are commonly heard, along with the always popular, “they grow up so fast.”

#7. Hugging/kissing/cuddling: I am sure this is self-explanatory. Parents love their children, but when the Grandchildren come along, there’s this whole new level of love they never knew existed. And it often comes at the detriment of the physical well-being of the grandchild, as breath is squeezed out from hugs, faces are left wet all over, and cheeks are sore from pinching.

#6. Talking with Grandchildren: Kids come up with the best stories. Everything that is happening to them is happening for the first time, so it’s so exciting. Every high is the highest high and every low is the lowest low. So talking with them is always an adventure. Every story is so interesting…if only because it’s interesting to the grandchild. And there’s always enough “embellishment” to keep it that way.

#5. Telling stories from their own childhood: Ever heard Old wives’ tales? They should be Grandparents’ tales. At some point they were completely true. Over the years, the story gets just a little more added to it. What was once a bear cub at a zoo becomes a7 foot tall blood-thirsty grizzly that wanted to put Grandpa on the menu. What was once a nice 3 pound bass becomes the lunker of a lifetime. Grandparents like to “embellish” as well.

#4. Teaching Grandchildren about life: Along with the personal stories comes the lessons they have learned. It’s the same lessons they tried to pass down to their children, but we were too stubborn to listen. Luckily, Grandparents are larger than life to their Grandchildren, so hopefully some of it gets through a little more to them.

#3. Going to Disney World: I know what you’re thinking, I’ve already told how Grandparents like to take Grandchildren on vacation. Disney World is different, though. This is a place they can take them and literally travel to distant planets, different worlds and different countries all in one place. This is a sensory overload for the kids and Grandparents love watching them trying to take it all in.

#2. Spoiling the Grandchildren: This is considered a right of passage for the Grandparents. They get to give anything they want, take the child anywhere they want, let the Grandchildren get away with what they want. This is what they ultimately live for, even if it’s just because their parents did the same with their Grandkids. Want some candy? Here you go. Want to ride the Lawnmower? Let’s go. Want some new shoes? Here you go. Want the latest toy, even though you have 337,000 other toys? Here you go. Want to eat this bag of sugar? Here you go. And you know why they like to spoil their Grandchildren? Because…

#1. Giving Grandchildren back to Mom and Dad: That’s right…this is the part that makes it all come together. Everything they do with the Grandchildren makes them a Hero, because there is nothing to taint it. If the kid has a dirty diaper or needs a bath? Give them back to the Parents. Kid needs a spanking? Mommy and Daddy get to do that. Time to lay down for a nap? The parents can be the bad guy on that one. No late nights, no uninterrupted sleep. Just all the joy of playing with the Grandkids with none of the dirty work.

But, they raised us, the parents…and think back to all the crap we gave them (literally and figuratively). They deserve this…and we deserve what we get as well

A couple of nights ago, Ryne developed some nasal congestion. He was a little fussy about it, but it wasn’t bad. I decided to take his temperature and make sure he wasn’t running a fever. I hate doing it because it’s so invasive. I know how much I would want to punch someone in the face if they tried to take that route with me. Ryne was pretty easy-going about it, though. He was a little warm at 99.6, but he never got above that.

We took some childcare classes at our church before Ryne was born, and our Pediatrician happened to be the guy who taught the classes. I remember him saying that unless his temperature was above 100, that there was no need to bring him in. I also tried to balance this with wanting to have a healthy and happy child.

Ryne’s Mommy made the decision easy. You know the old saying, “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy?” Well, it’s true, and Momma wasn’t happy with her baby having boogies. So I called the Doctor’s office first thing in the morning. I had to leave a message. 45 minutes later, a nurse called back. I told her all his symptoms, and that his temp was less than 100. She said there was no need to come in unless it was green (it was clear) or his temp was more than 100.

I was happy because my instincts were confirmed and Jamie was happy because someone with more medical knowlege than I was the one who confirmed it. This of course still didn’t change the fact that we had a slightly-less-than-healthy child. This is especially hard to deal with at night.

When you’re a awakened from a deep sleep by a screaming child, your subconscious takes over. It already has a pre-made checklist that has one objective: Make the loud noise stop! No spit up on his clothes or bed to make him wet and uncomfortable? Check. Diaper change? Check. Re-Swaddle to calm? Check. Pacifier in? Check. It’s this last item that drove my son to scream at me louder than he already was.

I am not sure what he’s trying to say because I don’t speak baby fluently yet…but I am fast learner. I woke up a little better after his scream…and I looked into his eyes and listened to his breathing a little better, and then my internal interpreter took over. He was saying “Hey big guy, yeah, you up there looking like a zombie…I can’t breathe out of my nose because some sort of alien mucous has clogged my breathing passages. Now, you, in your self-imposed ‘infinite wisdom’ has just tried to plug the one hole in my head that is actually allowing oxygen to come into my body, which, by the way, I need in order to be alive.” I know what you’re thinking…and yes, Ryne is incredibly smart for being a month old.

So, I realized my error and used a syringe to suction out his nose. He was OK for the first suction on each nostril, but then he was mad yet again at my ineptness at not being faster with boogie removal. Finally, with nasal passages cleared, he settled back down.

He had baby tears which makes me melt a little inside every time, but we got through it. He then let out a little coo and a squeal. My internal interpreter read it loud and clear: “I’m going to forgive you because I know it’s your first time. Next time be a little quicker on the draw, or else I will fight back against your most vulnerable senses…There will be loud noises and horrible smells, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” And with that he drifted off to sleep and I went back to bed.

It’s the new exercise that’s all the rage with the Infants. Not 8 minute Abs, not even 7 Minute Abs…No, it’s 3 Hour Abs! Talk about working your core!

I don’t know if other people’s kids do this or not, but when Ryne sleeps, he has a tendency to do so with his legs in the air. I used to do leg lifts for Football. Leg lifts were my least favorite. It was hard to hold them up for 30 seconds, much less 3 hours.

I know a baby’s body structure is a little different, but I still am a little jealous at the resiliency to keep their legs in the air for so long. Maybe if I try to work out with Ryne and keep up with him, I can get into better shape.

I just don’t know if I can take his condescending attitude…you know where when he looks at me, all he can think is, “I can do this in my sleep.”

It’s no secret that I am hopelessly in love with my wife. In January, we will have been together for 10 years. It’s hard to imagine, but it’s been that long. We’ve been through a lot together. She’s consoled me through the passing of my Grandmother, and I’ve been right beside her through the passing of her Brother. She’s helped me through obsessive compulsive behavior and severe hypochondria. I’ve helped her come through severe bouts of Social Anxiety Disorder and depression. That better or worse, sickness and health thing? Yep, we’ve got it covered.

The part I want to concentrate on today, though, is Jamie’s Social Anxiety Disorder. Jamie was a shy girl when we met in January of 2000. I didn’t know how bad it was though until after we had been going out for a while. I remember one time we were going into Wal-Mart in Decatur, AL. She had told me on the whole trip over there that she wasn’t really excited about going around all the people. In my own worldview (the one where I’ve never met a stranger, and can talk to just about anybody) I took that to mean she hated the crowds and waiting on people. I hate that too, but sometimes you need things and you just have to push through it. So we got out of the car and started walking in. Jamie immediately grabbed my hand as we started walking. As we got closer to the door, however, her grip became like a vice and she was kind of shaking. This is the first time I realized that she wasn’t just a little shy.

I also remember that day for another reason. It was the first time I felt like I helped her conquer the fear. We could have easily just turned around and went home and I could have gone back by myself. At this time, though, I already knew I was going to marry this girl, and I didn’t want to have a lifetime of going places by myself. I told Jamie to hold onto my hand and not let go, and if she got scared of the people, to take it out on my hand, to squeeze it until she couldn’t squeeze it anymore. We also said a little prayer, and then I prayed for her as we walked through Wal-Mart getting the stuff we needed. I also prayed for my hand as I thought at some point I would lose motor function and be left crippled in my hand.

She of course made it through that day and thousands of days since. She is still shy. She doesn’t talk a lot to people until she knows them well. She still feels like a lot of eyes are staring at her, but the fear no longer keeps her from enjoying life. She is very modest and doesn’t want to do anything to attract attention to herself, and that’s actually not a bad thing, in my opinion. Besides, she’s definitely got my attention:)

Fast forward to yesterday… We went to a cookout with some friends and afterward decided to go to Shelby Park in East Nashville. I wanted to fish a little bit, and we wanted to just be outside for a little while. Ryne needed to be fed, and we had a bottle of milk for him in his diaper bag. Jamie was going to feed him while I fished for a bit and then come down to where I was.

It was apparent pretty quickly that the fish weren’t biting, if there were fish in there at all. I started walking back up towards the car. Jamie was sitting in the passenger seat with her legs out the door, and her back to me. I thought she was waiting for the bottle to warm in our handy little car bottle warmer. I then glanced back to Ryne’s car seat and noticed he wasn’t in it. I walked around the passenger side, and lo and behold, my wife was breast feeding…in public!

This is not something I see as wrong…babies gotta eat, and mommies have got the food. Babies determine when and where they will eat and if Mommy and Daddy want to get out of the house…it’s gotta be done. The bigger issue is that Jamie loves her son so much, that she conquered all reservations about doing that in public. Believe me, there were a lot of reservations on her end about doing it. She did it modestly, no one could really guess what she was doing, and her back was turned to everyone who might’ve seen. But on our journey together, she has come a long way, and I couldn’t be more proud!