Brandon Gilbert

Sports can teach you a lot about life. They can teach you about hard work, teamwork, the highs of victory, and the lows of defeat. I have played and watched sports most of my life.  Little did I know that sports would prepare me so well for this little guy who has invaded our home.

NFL: Have you ever seen a moment when there’s a family member or friend of the family that wants to hold the baby? They “scrub in” and go to pick the baby up, and then there’s the slightest sniffle. Mommy will go Brian Urlacher on them and take them down before they get to the baby, and they will go down hard.

MLB: You work hard at learning all the tendencies of your baby. You review video, you watch to see if he’s tipping his pitches, you steal signs. Then, just when you think you’ve got him all figured out, and you think you know what’s coming, he will throw you a curveball.

NASCAR: Races are won and lost in the pits. You’ve got to be fast and efficient because time lost in the pits is hard to make up on the track. The same can be said for diapers. Thy’re the same as a tire change on pit road. Once you realize there’s a pit stop to be made, the clock is ticking. You pull into the pit, and undo the diaper tabs (lugnuts). Then you’ve got to remove the diaper (tire). Make sure the area is clean, and then apply a fresh new one. Timing is everything with the diaper change. If you’re not fast enough, especially if you have a little boy, there will be dire consequences.

NBA: This is similar to the NFL in that it’s all about defense. When in public, mommy will create a safe distance around baby from all angles making sure that no germy, unclean people contact the baby. This is what we call “boxing out.” Also, babies don’t typically have full control over their motor skills. Their pacifiers, bottles, blankets, toys, and just about everything you give them or use on them will go flying at some point. This is where the skill of rebounding comes in very handy.

This is only a small amount of skills for parenting that can be learned from watching Pro Sports. The only other sport I can think might come in handy for learning to protect your child is Soccer, because it’s where you learn how to kick, well, you know…

Jamie and I had the best sleep we’ve had in three weeks last night, and we couldn’t have felt more guilty about it when we woke up. Jamie laid Ryne down last night and finally got in the bed around 1:00 AM.  We awoke well rested seven hours later at 8:00 AM.  Then, when we realized that we had had seven hours of uninterrupted sleep, panic set in.

I immediately jumped out of bed and bolted into Ryne’s room to check on him. He was looking around and doing his “wake up and stretch out” ritual. I picked him up and carried him to his Mommy so she could feed him. Then we noticed his diaper had had a good soak, so we took it off and gave him a bath. No crying or discontent, and even a few smiles.

We were so mad at ourselves for sleeping that long that we looked everywhere for causes and where we went wrong, or for anything wrong with Ryne. I checked the monitor, and it was on, but it may have been too low. Our apartment is small, though, and we think surely we would’ve heard him crying even if it was low. I checked his temperature, and he was fine. No fever. He didn’t even cry when I checked him. I can promise you, I would not handle it so well if someone put a thermometer where I  had to put his…

So by our math, a lot of sleep + smiling + little crying = something wrong with our child. Yesterday, if you had given me that equation, I would have believed it added up to pure happiness. It’s funny how your perspective changes so quickly. Jamie also has to feed him every so often to keep her milk supply up, so she was scared on that count as well.

We have a theory, though, on why he slept so long. Yesterday was a big day for him. He took his first trip to Wal-Mart. It was actually to the Portrait studio to get some more pictures made of him. This was only his second trip out and his first that didn’t involve a Doctor’s visit. It was a rough experience. He had 18 poses, and we were there for 2 hours. By the end, I was tired of going through all of it, so I am sure that he was tired, too. Then, last night, we had another friend over to bring us some food (we are very blessed to have the friends we have!) and so he got to visit and show off his cuteness.

I have also instituted a no sleep after 6 PM policy for him until we lay him down for the night. This was an effort to flip his schedule to sleeping more at night and less during the day. Maybe the policy just worked really good.

He gets to spend the day with his Papa and Nana today (my parents) as Jamie and I go to buy some groceries. We will see how tonight goes, and I have to say, if I don’t sleep well tonight…I might just be relieved.

I don’t know if all children are this way, but Ryne has two moods: “Calm” and “I will reign hellfire down upon you.” He’s not a terribly fussy child, but it seems to switch at the drop of a hat.

Case in Point: This morning I was holding Ryne and letting him look around. He loves to sit up and explore everything around him. He even will rotate himself around to stare at everything. I was letting him do his thing when all at once, this was no longer good enough and the walls started melting at the sound of his cries.

This was after Mommy had fed and burped him. I had changed his diaper and changed his clothes from where he had spit up a little earlier. So we had hunger, warmth, dryness, and comfort taken care of, but he couldn’t be soothed. Pacifier goes in the mouth, pacifier comes flying out of the mouth. So, I just let him cry for a while letting his Mommy get some sleep.

This all starts at night. While he was in his Mommy’s tummy, nighttime was playtime. He was vibrated to sleep during the day while Jamie went about her business, but when she laid down, it was time for Jungle Gym. This pattern is continuing still, but now that we realize it, we’re going to try to flip his sleep schedule.

Mommy and Daddy do not have a sleep all day, party all night sleep schedule, so getting Ryne’s sleep schedule closer to ours is very important to our sanity. This morning was supposed to be Ryne’s first outing to church, but he kept his Mommy up all night, so when morning came Jamie had no energy for the outing and just needed sleep.

This isn’t the first time he’s done this, as I have had the honor of the all-nighter as well. It all hinges on using the correct “Lay-Down Maneuver.” I try to get him to sleep after Jamie feeds him before we go to bed. Since he gets pretty happy after his feeding, it not usually too bad, but it has been getting harder.

I will usually start with wrapping him up in the blanket prison and rocking him. I have even started using my iPhone with the Pandora application to play a lullabye radio station. This soothes him a lot. So, I can get him to sleep pretty well. It’s not hard to know when he’s sleeping good because he snores a little bit.

Then comes the crucial moment of transfer from Dad’s arms to crib. This is such a delicate time in the sleep cycle. Most of the time, I like to think I pull it off pretty good, but there are times when I totally blow it, too. Here are the steps of our Laydown maneuver: 1. He starts off with his head in the crook of my elbow, and my forearm supporting his weight. 2. I take my opposite arm, and replace it under him to get some leverage. 3. I take my hand that was under him and cradle his head for support. 4. Get up out of the rocking chair. 5. Walk like a ninja to the crib. 6. Begin the descent into the crib.

Most of the time this is hitch-free, but not always. I usually lose it in the descent into the crib. I know it really quickly when it all goes wrong. His hands fly up in the air, and he opens his eyes and stares at me. I can read his thoughts at that moment, “Haha, nice try Dad, now let’s start all this over.” Then…screams that would make Vincent price green with envy..

This leads to a sleepless night for Mom and Dad. More so for Mommy because she has to feed him. So he goes zero to sixty in no seconds flat. I am ok with, though, because I like that he has personality. I just wish he didn’t have two of them:)

Up until last night, we’ve been having to give Ryne sponge baths. He couldn’t be fully submerged into water because of the stump of his umbilical cord.  Well, all that changed the night before when his stump finally fell off. We were excited because bath time up to this time had been fun, but we wanted to see how Ryne would react to being in the water.

The baths before this involved mainly a process of soaping him up and then rinsing him off with another cloth. This is the technique I picked up from the nurse giving him his first bath after he was born. Then to top it off, we would wet his hair and then massage in some shampoo.

As it turns out, Ryne loves this part. He loves to have his scalp massaged while getting his hair shampooed. I have even created a character for the occasion. Pierre, a French hairdresser is who gives Ryne scalp massages. “Monsieur, are zu happy with ze scalp massage?” Ryne loves this, and when the water gets poured over his hair to rinse out the shampoo, he gets the best little look on his face. He stretches out his neck and then his little eyes roll up into his head and you’d think he was in pure heaven.

With the success of bath time up until now, we were truly excited to see how he would react to being in water. It did not take long to learn what he thought of it…As you can see, he was less than thrilled about the entire process.  It took a long time for us to get the water just right…not too hot and not too cold, and we didn’t put a ton of water in it either. You’ll also notice that he has a washcloth over his nether-regions. This is purely for Mom and Dad’s protection. We are gonna have to play with the process and find a happy medium where he at least doesn’t grow up wanting to kill us a la Stewie Griffin. (There’s a slight similarity in that when we finally got to the part he usually loves, shampooing his hair, he still was not happy. I said to him, ” it’s ok, you like this part, lil’ man.” And he looked up and me and began to scream, as if to say “I’m sorry, are you trying to tell me what I like?” )

He powered through it, though. I was proud of him. He hated it, but he persevered. It’s not like he had a choice in the matter, but I mean, c’mon…I’m proud of the kid because he breathes… He’s my boy! It also helped that Mommy was there to make it all better after the last of the bath was done.

Mommies make it all better….for the Dads too!

Ryne had a little bit of Jaundice when we left the hospital, so we had to go see the doctor only 3 days later, instead of the normal week or so. This wasn’t unexpected, as Jamie and I both had Jaundice as newborns and both had to be put in the miniature tanning beds in the nursery.

Ryne’s case wasn’t as severe, so we didn’t have to put him under the light. The doctor just wanted to see him soon and check and make sure he wasn’t getting worse. We asked the doctor what would happen if he did get worse and he said one of two things would happen: 1. Home nurses would come to our apartment and put him in a blanket with lights, or 2. He would have to be re-admitted to the hospital and placed in the mini-tanning bed.

Spoiler Alert: neither of them happened. It’s kind of disappointing, though. Now that I know Ryne is such a great escape artist with blankets, can you imagine how completely awesome it would be to turn off all the lights and watch him escape from a blanket of lights? Throw in some Pink Floyd and you have one heck of a show. We could charge for this, I’m sure. Not to mention all the YouTube hits it would get. He didn’t have to go in the mini-tanning bed either, which only a missed photo-op to see him in those little glasses and stretched out. Don’t get me wrong, I am glad that his Jaundice went away on its own. I am just saying, if he did still have it, there were a few good ways to captialize on it…

When we got to the Doctor’s office, they weighed and measured him. In my previous blogs, I have already said that my son had taken to feeding quite easily. We didn’t realize just how well he was feeding. When he was born, he weighed 6 lbs, 9 1/2 oz. When we left the hospital, he weighed 6 lbs, 4 oz. When we took him to the Doctor just three days later, he weighed 6 lbs, 10 oz. Not only had he gained weight since he left the hospital, he had already surpassed his birth weight. The Doctor told us that he would be pleased with this at a two week visit, so to be that way after so little time had passed was great.

Not only was Ryne beginning to fill out, but he also got taller. When he was born, he measured in at 19 1/2 in. When we went to the Doctor, he measured in at 19 3/4 in. So, in such a short amount of time, he gained 6 oz and a quarter inch.

I guess it’s true…Milk does do a body good.

It’s funny. When you grow up as a guy, breastfeeding is not really the foremost thought on your brain. You realize that’s ultimately the purpose of breasts, but it’s not something you choose to think about. So imagine my surprise when I spent a good amount of time before Ryne was born praying that he would breastfeed without complication.

Breastfeeding is a tricky thing. Some babies don’t do well with it. I have read that children died before there was “formula” because they wouldn’t eat well. Sometimes mothers’ milk dries up prematurely or never even comes in at all. This was something that was extremely important to Jamie and like a good husband, I only want my wife to be happy.

We both prayed that Ryne would do well and that on the off chance that he didn’t, that Jamie wouldn’t feel like a failure if he didn’t. (Any Moms reading this: YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE if your baby doesn’t breastfeed well) Jamie is a very empathetic person and feels things very strongly and sometimes blames herself for things that are beyond her control.

As I wrote before, it was a few hours after Ryne was born before Jamie got to hold Ryne. One of the first things she did when she got to hold him was try to feed him. It took a few turns and tries to find the right position, but he did latch on and fed for about 10 minutes. Babies don’t actually have to feed for the first couple of days, so we thought 10 minutes was amazing. We were excited…it was the first time and he did what he was supposed to do.

We decided to try to get a little rest the first night and had the nursery bring him to us when he needed to be fed. So, we were pumped after the first time, but the second time and the third time…well, it was a little discouraging. He fed ok…but his latches weren’t great and he seemed disinterested. So…more prayer. I didn’t want Jamie to get discouraged because she wanted so much to breastfeed and not use formula.

After the first day or so, Ryne finally “got it.” He realized that his Mom’s milk was his God-given right, and he wanted it. He started drinking like there was no tomorrow. If Jamie offered, he was taking. We had to write out his feeding times on a whiteboard in the room, and the nurses were always proud of how long he was feeding. One nurse came into talk to Jamie one night while she was feeding and she asked Jamie, “Is this your first child?” Jamie replied that it was and the nurse said, “then you’re doing great.” I love when others give my wife positive affirmation…because when I do it, she has the “you’re my husband, you’re supposed to say that” mentality.

Nipple Confusion
Another thing we had wanted to make sure of was that the nursery didn’t give him a pacifier because we didn’t want any “nipple confusion,” but they ended up giving him one anyway. I am not sure what “nipple confusion” is, but I am sure my son does not have it. He doesn’t really care for the thing. We can give it to him, and he will suck on it really hard for a few minutes, but when he realizes he’s not going to get anything out of it, he does one of two things: 1. he takes both hands and throws it out of his mouth violently or 2. He pulls it out of his mouth and waves it around as if to say “I know when I’m being played…and I know that this is some kind of plastic.” He’s wise beyond his weeks.

Hunger Cues
One thing we read about breastfeeding was to watch for hunger cues and to try to feed him before he started crying. This was supposed to cut down stress for both baby and parents. I think this is a good idea, but it doesn’t take into account that watching for hunger cues cuts into Mommy’s and Daddy’s sleep time, and they need sleep time. But, Ryne already has his “I’m hungry” routine down pretty good. It’s got steps and everything:
1. The first step is for him to escape from his swaddled prison and start making a few fussy sounds.
2. Step 2 is to start waving his hands around in a gesture not unlike riding a roller coaster.
3. The next step is to start gnawing on said hands.
4. The next step is to start crying a bit.
-Step 4 is tricky at night, because I want Jamie to get as much sleep at a time as she can, so I will try to hold him off
for as long as I can. This is where the pacifier comes in handy for a bit.
5. The next step is to throw out the pacifier and start crying for real.
6. Step 6 is where he starts seeking out food from whatever source he sees fit. Depending on how I am holding him, this could be either my shoulder or bicep…or even my chest starts to look good to him I suppose.

This is where baby has to learn a hard, hard lesson. Fathers are great, but there are some things they just can’t do for you. You’ve got to know your limits.

One thing we noticed in the hospital right away was that when the nursery would bring Ryne to us, he was swaddled in a little ball and seemed very calm. I think there are two reasons for this: 1. He had spent the last 9 months of his life curled up in a ball, packed in tight in his Mommy’s tummy. 2. I read that when things touch infants’ faces, they think it’s food time and it’s hard to get them settled down.

We called a nurse down from the nursery to show us this magical art of subduing our little one. She came and showed us the trick. Basically it involves taking a blanket and using several origami-style folds while rolling the baby back and forth until you get this perfect bundle with a head sticking out.

I am happy to say that I picked up the swaddling talent pretty easily. Every time it was time to put Ryne down for a nap, I swaddled him perfectly and laid him down. Then I realized something else. My son is an escape artist. I didn’t know how soon it started in life for people who do that sort of thing. I used to work with an illusionist and escape artist, Brock Gill, who does an escape from a straight jacket while walking on glass. Ryne is right up there with him on the talent level. I can double-wrap Ryne’s arms in the blanket and seal it up tighter than a submarine, and he still gets out. His main mission seems to be to get his entire hands into his mouth. He doesn’t event like a pacifier, he wants his hands. He will try to suck on them through the blanket, and when he decides that it doesn’t taste good, that’s when he makes his escape.

I like to think that we are not alone in this. I know there are other parents out there who see there kids escape from that cotton/polyester mix of a prison only to wake themselves out of a sound sleep and subsequently wake Mom and Dad up out of their sound sleep. I am pretty sure that Mary and Joseph faced the same problem with Jesus.

Luke 2:7 says “And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.” I am pretty sure that if a tomb and a big rock sealing it could not hold Jesus…then swaddling clothes were no match at all. I just hope that Mary and Joseph were able to get a little sleep in that barn.

That’s me in the corner
That’s me in the spotlight, I’m
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don’t know if I can do it
Oh no, I’ve said too much
I haven’t said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
–From “Losing My Religion” by R.E.M.

OK, so maybe it wasn’t that dramatic, but it was a little unnerving. Ryne’s second day of life and he has a dirty diaper. I had never changed a dirty diaper in my entire life. To top it off, I had both sets of grandparents and my great-grandfather in the room. This is thousands of diaper changes worth of experience all watching me as I decided I was going to change Ryne’s diaper.

I felt like Patton in the war room as I opened his diaper to double-check. I kept thinking, “there’s so many people in here, and I’ve never done this. Do I ask for help, or fake it?” The room seemed to close in on me…but that could just be the effect of 8 people in a 10×10 room. As I got the diaper open, my worst fears were confirmed that this was indeed a “dirty bomb.”

When babies are born, they don’t have normal poop at first. They first have to get rid of all that goo that they were swimming in for 9 months. So what comes out is this black tar substance that resembles “Nickelodeon GAK” that has gone bad. So, I take center stage in front of my audience and go to work. I take out all my tools I think I will need…diaper and wipes. I get his old diaper away and began cleaning the affected area. It was what you might call a “political diaper” because there was definitely a smear campaign. It was definitely more than a one-wipe job as well. I was, however, handling it quite well. I was making pretty good time and Ryne was being surprisingly cooperative. Then it happened…every parent-with-a-son’s worst nightmare: He peed. It was a pretty decent stream as well. The only saving grace was that my son seems to favor laying on his side and had turned to the side when he did it. So the only casualty was his blanket and his t-shirt.

So my restoration project became an underwater salvage mission as well. I got him dried off and cleaned up. A brand new diaper was placed correctly, and I changed his T-shirt as well. He cried a bit when I had to change the T-shirt but, once I got the new one on, he stopped crying as if to signal “it is finished.” I picked him up, very proud of myself to have handled such a situation with no prior experience. The crowd roared with appreciation…in my head. The actual crowd that was there just continued to ooh and ahh over the baby. That’s OK…I know that diaper changes are a thankless job.  I am pretty sure I never thanked my Mom and Dad for changing my diapers. Maybe I should. Mom and Dad, thanks for dealing with my sh… um, thanks for cleaning me up when I couldn’t do it for myself.

I did actually get a thumbs up from my Dad later and my wife said she was proud of me for the way I handled it…so I suppose that is pretty good.

Ryne had to go to the Transitional Nursery in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. There wasn’t anything worng with him, they just have to do that when the mother has General Anesthesia. Up to this point when I got to meet Ryne, he was wrapped up in a little blanket into a ball. When we got to the transitional nursery, the nurse unwrapped him and put him on the scale…where I got quite a shock. 6 Lbs, 91/2 oz.

I am not a small guy, and Jamie and I both were over 8 lbs. at birth. Jamie kept measuring big (that is, her belly measurement was larger than usual) her whole pregnancy, and here this little guy comes out so tiny. I love it though. All his vitals were great, and all we had to do was let Jamie recover from her surgery before she could see him. He didn’t cry when he got his Vitamin K Shot or when they put the antibiotic goop in his eyes. He just kept looking around.

Jamie finally got out of recovery and was a little less foggy and I got to carry him to see her so she could hold him. It was really awesome to see her hold him for the first time. He was a few hours old before she got to do so. There’s something pretty special about a Mommy and Baby together…but, this blog is about Dad and Baby.